Our Angel Baby

Since the time I found out that we had lost one of the babies I had been preparing myself for day the girls would be born. The posts and blogs of many others who had experienced similar situations were particularly helpful. Although the loss was earlier than 20 weeks, the perinatologists at Women's Hospital indicated that baby A would be considered a stillborn as she would have to be birthed at the time baby B was born (in our case 33 weeks). Unfortunately the circumstances surrounding the delivery were less than ideal. Although in the back of my mind I wanted to ask to see the other baby, my thoughts were consumed with Sayde's condition. When the anestesiologist indicated that there was not much to see I didn't inquire further. It wasn't until the night before discharge that I began feeling sad that I had never had a chance to see my baby. That night Rebecca, the nurse that was present for the delivery sat down with Brendon and I and recounted the events of that evening. She told us that she had seen the baby and that it was very much intact. It was a very touching experience to listen as she described our precious angel baby to us. She felt saddened that the situation had not been delt with with more sensitivity towards our loss. She validated our feeling and expressed that although there would be others who would think that we should not grieve as those who had lost a singleton because we did have Sayde, that they were not right. This was our baby and we were right to grieve. She herself had twins and perhaps had a better understanding of our situation. My thought reflected back to the radiologist in Vernon who told me that my baby was dead, but at least I had one baby that seemed to be developing normally. The events that unfolded from that conversation with Rebecca were a great blessing to Brendon and I. We were given a special box for parents who have lost a baby and were put in contact with an amazing social worker who went out of her way to correct the hospital paperwork which documented that Sayde was a singleton - not a twin. She was able to arrange a special experience for us to properly say good bye to our precious angel in a way that we felt comfortable with and will cherish forever. It was a very personal experience that I will not share in detail, but in memory of our little Halle Renae Burgess, and for the benefit of any others who have experience such a loss, I have included this much of our experience. I will forever be grateful to this social worker who went out of her way to give us the memories that we will forever cherish and the hand and footprints that we will keep forever.

Little Footsteps

How very softly
you tiptoed into my world
Almost silently,
only for a moment you stayed.
But what an imprint
your footsteps have left
upon my heart.

- D. Ferguson